Dumb Customers

I work in a store known in England as W H Smith; and to put those of you who don’t know it personally in the picture, it’s a book store come newsagent. We sell more newspapers and lottery tickets than books or stationery, but that’s besides the point. The customer who I make reference to in this post just remembered that she wanted to buy some cigarettes after buying her magazine.

The customer, an old lady, had already held up the queue by counting out her change in coppers only to find that, “Oops!” she didn’t have enough. Her brilliant idea, instead of stepping aside to allow me to serve somebody else - who probably only wanted to buy the TV magazine the same as she had - was to delay the queue even more by searching for the remainder of her change which was in the purse buried underneath all of her groceries. I stand there helpless, unable to hurry her, as the other customers furiously tap their feet and eye her with impatience and anger. I feel their pain. I point in the direction of the cigarette kiosk and ask her what she would like.

“I want to buy 20 menthol green.”
(Example of her stupidity number one. All menthol cigarettes come in green packaging, in varying brands.)
“Which brand would you like?”
“The green one.”
“They are all green. Which brand would you like?”
“Those ones!” as she flails her hand in the general direction of the kiosk, not allowing me to see which she actually wants.
(Example of her stupidity number two. I’ve already told her that all menthol cigarettes come in green packaging yet she continues to demand “the green ones”.) I take matters into my own hands and pick up the Superkings.

“These ones?”
“No, the green ones!”
Well, excuse me, but these are frickin’ green. You see what I’m saying? I don’t know why she did not understand the question, or my confusion! Eventually I managed to worm it out of her that she wanted the Berkeley cigarettes, which she was only able to refer to as “the ones on the top shelf”. Even that would’ve been understandable, but she insisted on speaking to me in a tone that insinuated I was stupid for not knowing. It’s times like these when I think placing a sign above the till which reads, “Our sales assistants are not mind readers,” would be of some benefit.