Dumb Customers

I work at a computer store. Now we deal with people of ranging computer knowledge. However due to the differences in computer terms that our customers use we made a list of computer terms our dumb customers use, and put definitions to them.  Here is the list so far…

1. Homedesk - desktop pc
2. Modem - could be refering to an actual modem or a desktop computer
3. Armatron pcu - it was any cpu of the AMD Athlon series.
4. PenJilam - Anything Pentium
5. Brain - Refering to one’s computer tower.
6. UBS Cable - A USB type cable.
7. Clerieon - Any Celeron series processor.
8. Windows 2007 - windows vista
9. Windows(you know the one with the grass hill) - Windows XP
10. Jigaplex / Jigabyte - Gigabyte
11. Memories - could be refering to ram or possibly Hard drive or a piece of data on the customers computer.
12. tetrabyte - terabyte
13. Re-Energizing - possibly refubishing and or reloading a computer.
14. Cut it on - Turn on the computer
15. knockout - a backplate
16. Predesesors - a procesor/ cpu
17. RAD Drivers - Commonly known as RAID to the rest of us, this can be talking about the actual controller or the RAID drivers themselves
18. Spyware - Could be refering to actual infection on customers machine, but mostly is refering to actual spyware PROTECTION
19. 2000 XP - Mostly the Windows XP operating system (usually an illegal copy)
20. Juice Charger - an ac adpter for a laptop or any other device.
21. Hard Disc - Usually another term for a PC, sometimes can even mean ‘monitor’
22. Latamore - any dell latitude laptop.
23. AMERICAN ONLINE - the worst service ever
24. Meeses - mice
25. Computer Cords - Mouse, Keyboard, and/or Monitor
26. Jiggahertz - Jigga what? I think you know.
—-A lady came in and asked if her heat sink was her spyware protector I responded no maam thats a piece of metal which you should probly use to kill yourself with.
27. We-fi - wifi
28. Solitary - The Solitaire Card game
29. Run Drive - Optical Drive
30. Files - Everything the customer wants saved off the computer (which could really mean anything)
31. KMD 62 - AMD K62 Processor
32. Can - Computer Case
33. pentium eye eye eye - pentium 3
34. Mozilla Firewall - Firefox
—- A guy came in and said he didn’t want XP Home because XP Professional had better virus protection
35. Windows XP - Microsoft Office
36. Dust Cover - PCI Metal Backplate
37. Ninavah - Biblical city Jonah saved (or NVidia if you’re Brian Williams)
38. Multiplex - Optiplex
39. Motherdrive - desktop computer
40. Printer - Monitor
41. Jigawatt - Interchangable with “Jigabyte”
42. Windows Vita - Windows Vista
43. CPI Slot - PCI Slot
44. Lanski - Linksys Product

This is made up by me and my fellow workers, do not distort!

Why is it that people think if they ask a question a different way they will get the response they want? I mean am I in a court of law and if you phrase it differently for me my answer has different meaning? For example here is some banter a customer and I got into.

Me: Basically you’d have to upgrade your whole system. New CPU, Motherboard and memory, possibly a new case and power supply as well.

Redundant Person: Can’t I use my old memory?

Me: No they are different types of memory, new motherboards will only support DDR2 and you have SD Ram

Redundant Person: I see… well I got some old sticks laying around at home that wouldn’t go into this machine, will they work?

Me: Is it DDR2 memory?

Redundant Person: No its a 512MB stick of this memory but my computer wouldn’t support it.

Me: No sir, it will only take DDR2, that’s the only type of Ram you can use.

Redundant Person : So I can’t use any of my old memory?

Me: No

Redundant Person: It won’t fit in the slot or something?

And this can go on, but as you see it’s people like this that continue to ask the same question in longer more drawn out ways no matter how many times you give it to them straight.

I work at a computer store. It’s not a huge chain but a smaller one that deals mainly in computer hardware. We have two locations. I have to deal with people who think they know more than me all the time and usually it’s pretty easy to point out to them that I am right and they are wrong (sometimes even I learn something) but when this customer came in and knew what he wanted so pompously what he knew to be a real thing. I had to let it go. Here is the conversation we had.

Me: How can I help you today?

Moron: Yeah, I’m looking for that new chip. The Centurion Predecessor.

Me: You mean a Celeron Processor?

Moron: No, my friend told me about it and told me it’s called the Centurion Predecessor! Do you guys have it?

Me:  So you’re looking for something that comes before a processor that doesn’t exist? No we don’t have that. But we do have the Celeron Processors.

Moron: Nah man, its called the Centurion Predecessor I guess you guys haven’t gotten it then. See ya later.

It happens all too often, either a customer wants something you don’t have at the time or something you wouldn’t stock at all, and they just look at you and ask if you know where they can get it, it’s hard enough to know the entire stock range of my own store, let alone every other store in town

We’ve been giving away free Dvd’s with certain newspapers, and within sai papers are coupons you cut out and give you a guy like me, who exchanges it for said Dvd, on this coupon it states terms and conditions, clearly included are the simple words “only valid on date shown” so why do people think it is acceptable to show up up to 6 weeks later and veritably demand the entire collection?

The ultimate betrayel, I didn’t receive this week’s new releases on time, or to be more precise, they were intercepted by another store, who kept them for themselves, so come this week I try opening up with out the new titles everyone is looking for, first thing monday morning a woman comes in searching for the latest boyband release, my colleague explains that it’s going to take us a couple of days to get the stock in, because of issues with our suppliers, so she walks off dejectedly, only to return a couple of hours later, to ask me if it had come in yet.

So, recently a new woman has started working with us, working the mornings on the front till, her job should be simple, no? Her role in our great customer servicing machine should be something akin to the genie in Aladdin, bamfing into view and giving people what they require, so we all find it immensly irritating that she’ll keep a customer hanging, regailing them with tales of her beloved daughter, and as the queue grows ever larger and her customer edges closer to the door, her only solution is to ring for backup, so she can keep talking…

Now if this was her only fault, we could forgive her for it, but she spends as much time off the till as possible, either showing people where things are or just getting in the way, leaving her till unsecured as a whole host of high value goods wait for whomever has a keen eye and a quick hand, come the midday rush she gets relieved (can you guess why) and for the rest of her shift, she’s continually getting in the way, asking what things do, how to do something that doesn’t concern her, not a day goes past that I don’t get stressed with her because she is in my way and doesn’t understand that it’s not her job, she’s a till jockey, she doesn’t need to know the ins and outs of every other department.

We are all aware that it’s a british institution to form a queue and ask the exact same question of a helpless Customer Service rep, that the previous dozen customers asked, but I think my customers are starting to push it just a little.

Eatly August the local post office closed down and moved in to my store, taking up a quarter of my total floorspace, the post office has a different uniform, and their portion of the store is marked with green dividers welcoming people within, but still not a day goes past where in I do not get a customer come up with a parcel, asking me how much it would cost to send to Bogahbogah and when I politely wave them off to the post office, theymumble something about having not seen it there, I wonder how much bigger it would need tobe in order to get people’s attention?

A video grievance about work and the customers that one has to endure. Read the rest of this entry »

We have a new guy working for us. This new guy, thinks he’s the biggest, best, most intelligent work to ever walk god’s green earth. Of course, he overlooks the fact that he’s just 20 and all the other guys are almost twice his age there. He rudely says that he has the highest intelligence there and that no one can compare to him (he really said it, exactly like that).

Now, being the ultra-super genius that he is, of course he’d be able to tell if a computer failed the hard drive test but passed everything else, surely it must be a bad hard drive that’s causing the client such a headache. Well, being the super-genius he is, he declares that it’s the motherboard and the client should chuck the computer out and buy a new one.

He’s had 23 complaints to the store manager and it’s only his second week.